Wednesday, November 25, 2015

The Evolution of My Query Letter

Strahov Monastery Library, Prague, statue
See how upset this dude looks? That's me writing query letters.
Strahov Monastery Library, Prague
Photo by Curious Expeditions

Unlike most of my posts of late, this one is going to focus purely on writing. That was, after all, the original purpose of my blog.

Query letters are my nemesis. I've studied them, their moves, their quirks, and their weaknesses. But at every turn, they've dodged and parried and defeated me. I read blog post after blog post. Even my kindly CPs' suggestions only seemed to send me spinning down rabbit holes.

This time around, I consulted Naomi Hughes to get her experienced editor's eye on my query letter. And for my peace of mind, I went with her "brainstorming" option so that I could continually edit my letter based on her feedback and make sure I was headed in the right direction.

Note: Naomi is an editor. She is an awesome and very helpful editor, but her job is to tell me when things aren't coming across right and send me in the right direction. I want to make it clear that an editor won't write the query letter for you.

national library of sweden, books, columns
Photo by National Library of Sweden

Hmm, I just realized this post could get very long, so I decided to break it up into a post per query letter iteration.

I'm going to start with the final product because why save the best for last? I personally believe in instant gratification. (Ok, so, no, I don't, but we'll pretend I do for the sake of this post. If it's any consolation, my husband's all about instant gratification. When I was in grad school, we waited in a long line of children on release night to get the last Harry Potter book because my hubby couldn't wait for it one minute longer than necessary.)

admont library, austria, mural, statues
Admont Library, Austria
Photo by Christine McIntosh

Here it is, the polished product:
All twelve-year-old Eric Ortega wants is to make his guild the envy of every gamer on his Hooves and Halflings server . . . until his real-life body is taken over by an ancient being. Eric’s forced to watch as this creature steamrolls through his world, threatening the people he loves. Luckily, Eric’s sister realizes he’s not acting like himself, but the help she can get comes at a high cost.

Nikias is an ancient human-wind hybrid who only has a body when he steals one, and the power of Eric’s aura is too tempting for Nikias to pass up. With that aura fueling his powers, Nikias plans to launch a full-scale attack against the leader of the Sentinels. Sentinels are the bird-human hybrids who police the world’s hidden peoples, and their leader has been after Nikias for centuries. When the Sentinels help Eric’s sister free him, Nikias is infuriated. He’s not letting that aura go.

Eric wakes up stranded in a mountain lair, surrounded by unfriendly Sentinels. He’s free of Nikias, but the Sentinels don’t trust humans and have erased half Eric’s memories to protect their secret world. However, Eric’s determined to get back to his family with or without their help. As he uncovers more of his memories, he also unlocks the ability to use his aura and wield Nikias' power. But Eric doesn't want anything to do with that creep or his abilities.

While Eric searches for a way home, Nikias searches for Eric. When Nikias finds him, Eric's new powers are the only thing that might save his life – if Eric can learn to control them in time.

Complete at 66,000 words, ERIC ORTEGA AND THE DEMON WIND is a dark, contemporary upper MG fantasy. The story is told primarily from Eric’s POV, but approximately one-fifth of the chapters are from the point of view of Nikias and his new, scheming host – until the characters all come together. This book will appeal to fans of the Underland Chronicles. Thank you for your time and consideration.

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